What's our problem with families ?

First published at http://www.goodenoughcaring.com/ on November 19th, 2009

On November 18th, 2009, commenting on the Queen’s Speech, Anne Longfield OBE, Chief Executive of 4Children released the following press notice :
“Families want better information about their school, beyond simply the academic performance. They want to know their children are getting the best advice and information including about sex and relationships; and to be more involved in the life of their school. The Children, Schools and Families Bill will be a welcome advance and we call on MPs from all Parties to pass the legislation before the end of the Parliament.”
Anne Longfield's comments on the Children, Schools and Families Bill made me wonder if it might be important for us as a society that schools should not be the primary providers of 'the best advice and information about sex and relationships' - as an aside I would put relationships before sex - but we as parents or parenting figures should be doing this through example by relating to our children and young people in a nurturing, respectful way and by helping them appreciate the excitement of sexual relationships that are engaged upon through respect and tenderness toward the other. I don't think kids should learn about relationships through Powerpoint and electronic whiteboards in a schoolroom but through their parents. Some parents may struggle to carry out this part of their responsibility for their children, and if this is so, it is they we should help first if their children are to flourish. This is not to deny the important yet secondary role a school teacher may play in modelling respectful , supportive and caring relationships for children, but it is to say that it is the parenting role which is fundamental. It may be complained that what I am suggesting is somewhat eccentric. If so, then in my view there is a need for us to re-examine what, if anything, the role of society is, as well as our own roles as individuals who, notionally at least, may pride ourselves on having a care for others. In relation to helping struggling parents I am not talking about inclusion or exclusion which are rather demeaning notions but about saying as members of a supportive caring community, " If something is not going right for you, it is not going right for me".
I am sure Ms Longfield does not dismiss the importance of families in the rearing of children, but I believe we are increasingly asking schools and other agencies external to the family to do - and not surprisingly they mainly fail to do - parenting tasks for children. This should be done by families and parents. I think the symbolism of the order of title of the Children, Schools and Families Bill says it all, just as the name Department of Children, Schools and Families does. Why not Children, Families and Schools or indeed Families, Children and Schools. Why use schools as a means of separating the significance of families from the children who are integral to them ?